Tinting Hero

Every story has a beginning. Sometimes that beginning is thousands of years old, as is the Legend of the Great Window Tinter. He is destined to save the world from people who would breach the privacy of others. I first read the prophecies of this hero in the ancient pyramids of Egypt, on the back of a Burger Queen receipt that must have been buried there for hundreds of years. Finding such artefacts is one of the great joys of being a famous explorer. Ever since then, I’ve been searching for the best window tinting service in Melbourne, where the prophesied one is said to hail from.

I have had no luck so far, which is a shame. I have multiple expeditions going on, and countless people who try to learn the details. If I knew the chosen hero, he could give me commercial window tinting. Melbourne spies won’t be any match for a tinted window, but as it is, my privacy is being breached. Just yesterday, reports started coming in that the lost city of Atlantis was discovered. That was supposed to be my discovery! I did all the work on it.

But it’s not just about me. People everywhere are suffering from a lack of tinted windows. We need the Great Window Tinter more than ever. I see signs all the time, but he won’t make himself known. What am I supposed to think of the graffiti that speaks of his heroic deeds on the walls of Melbourne’s City Loop? We are waiting, and yet he does not step forward.

Sometimes people ask me why we need the Great Window Tinter. They point out that we already have businesses that offer the same service. They don’t understand. They do not have faith in the Great Window Tinter. They are fools. For when the Great Window Tinter comes, he will reward me for my continued belief. He is my hero and my king. If only he would step from the shadows and bring forth the darkness.

– Illinois James