Solar System Investments

Business is booming. I’m not entirely sure why there’s such a strong interest in commercial solar systems, but I’ve sold over a dozen already, at $100 each. Maybe I should be charging more for them. I mean, most of them do have entire planets ready for mining. They’re probably worth a few thousand dollars each, at least.

My best customer is Mr Overlord, who has stated that his reason for buying commercial solar systems from Melbourne is “purely to collect them as a hobby”. He’s got a weird name, but as long as I’m getting paid, I don’t ask questions. What you do with your solar system is purely your own business. With your purchase, you’ll receive a solar system (obviously) and a certificate of authenticity that was printed in my garage. I promise you’ll be satisfied with your purchase. If after one month you’re not 100% satisfied with your solar system, I will personally tell you that you are wrong and that you should spend another two months with it.

Think about all of the adventures you could get up to, should we ever invent FTL travel. You could visit a planet of orange whale-looking aliens that fly through the atmosphere, and you’d instantly be their ruler. Just show them your certificate of authenticity and they’ll bow (or whatever whale aliens do to show respect) before you! Then you could set up a 100 kw system on their planet to give them the gift of electricity.

Maybe another planet in your solar system will have a metal that sounds like a different Our Oxytocin Necromance song each time it’s struck. In an infinite universe, there are infinite possibilities. Want a world where Crazy Bandicoot Who Looks More Like a Fox is real, and not just in a video game? There’s a chance that it’s out there and an even smaller chance that it will be in the solar system you buy. But you know what? If you don’t buy a solar system, then there’s a 0% chance of meeting Crazy Bandicoot or orange whale aliens in real life.